Memories, Coats, and Headaches.

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Memories, Coats, and Headaches.

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Tairais

Tairais

@Amuulzhaan 3 years ago

(( Aka, I drew a thing, then came up with a written thing. ))

Gods, but he was tired. No amount of tea or coffee could replace the sleep he wouldn't get, despite it being perhaps the darkest hour of an evening overcast with storm clouds. Regardless of the darkness, London was awake, and so was he, busying himself with anything, anything at all to keep him from remembering. The sketches for his updated arms had been checked and re-checked, everything in his room was cleaned and organized for the first time since his arrival, there was an abundance of food in the kitchen pantries for the other lodgers now, and his hands would have ended up permanently stained with ink, charcoal, and oil if he wasn't already planning on replacing them.

"Thank you, darling Ričardas. Lavender is my favorite flower. What vase should I use, do you think?"

"Smile, Ričardas. This is important to your mother, and to me."

"I'll be all right, Ričardas, just take my coat and go!"

"Richardas?~ Look at me, mano numylėtinis. Look at me!"

"Ričardas, I believe I have angered the wrong peop- my God, what happened to you? What have you done?"

"Nononono, Ričardas, please, don't do this, you're better than th-"

"Look at this, Ričardas. It is your art. Enjoy it, Ričardas."

For four days out of the year, he pushed himself beyond his usual limits in the memory of things he would rather forget, but couldn't. For four and a half days, he had a pounding headache and a heavy heart. Four and a half days of vigilance for people who the meaning would never reach. Four and a half days of apologies that were never said.

The final hours were approaching, and he was tired. Gods, but he was tired. Having taken the opportunity to more thoroughly map out the winding corridors, he found himself by a window seat staring out into London itself, glowing and smoky in the distance. As he stared into the shifting landscape, he was struck with the sensation of feeling incredibly small. Sighing, he closed his eyes and climbed onto the seat, intending to rest for only a few moments. He clenched a fist against the throbbing pain behind his eyes.

Only a few more hours. Guilt and sorrow clawed at his throat and demanded to be known, fear carved out a place in his heart and a roar of anger perched under his throat. He had no right to count down the hours. He'd pay with his life if he weren't so afraid, weren't so hopeful.

He would do well to remember. He knew this, knew the value in accepting and letting go of past hurts. The trouble was accepting that knowledge. It didn't feel.. right. Someone had to remember, and who better than the person who caused it all in the first place? Again he was struck with the feeling of being small and vulnerable, as if malicious eyes were passing judgement on him. Gritting his teeth against tears threatening to spill, he halfway drew his knees to his chest.

He would stay here a few moments. He would remember. Every year he did, in the early hours of the morning. He remembered and he regretted and he regretted remembering.

(( And because the dang picture doesn't want to attach, here's a link. As a side note, I need to give Richard a hug. This poor man, I use him like a punching bag ;_; ))

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Madame La Déchante • 3 years ago • edited

( Suddenly, as if the world itself had sensed his pain, notes tinkle gently through the hall like the raindrops threatening to fall from the gloomy clouds, warming the cold white marble with the gentle intricate melody of an otherwise neglected piano.

https://youtu.be/KpOtuoHL45Y

)

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Tairais  Madame La Déchante • 3 years ago

He jumped as the music began to play, then relaxed and even smiled a bit. This was a song he recognized, one his mother had taught him and one she would play when she couldn't sleep. A bittersweet memory, that, but it was much preferred to the bitter ones. He huffed an amused breath when he realized the parallels between his night playing on the rooftops and the current moment. Closing his eyes, he laid back against the wall behind him, getting lost in the music and the memories it provided, trusting in it to ground him should he begin to wander too far.

He exhaled softly. "Thank you." Who he was thanking, he wasn't entirely sure. It was hardly like they could hear him, but it felt important to thank them regardless.

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Madame La Déchante  Tairais • 3 years ago

( As if sensing the gratitude, the hands fervently work at the time worn keys, weaving more and more notes into the piece. The song intensifies, carrying further and further across the Society as the volume increases. )

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Tairais  Madame La Déchante • 3 years ago

Richard found himself pulled wholeheartedly into the memory of nights spent walking on moonlit pathways through the nearby forest, his mother humming the melody of the piece now played while he and his brother did their best to him the lower register, with varying degrees of success. He laughed the sound of breaking crystal, remembering his father carrying him on his shoulders to look for owls and his mother reminding them to be quiet, lest they startle the poor birds away.

He smothered the next bit of laughter in a metal arm, tears trickling out of the only eye that could still cry. Bittersweet, indeed.

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Madame La Déchante  Tairais • 3 years ago

( The notes soften, sweeten- almost as if to caress Richard and remind him that they still are here for him, even though his family is not. A gentle mist settles outside his window, giving the streetlamps an otherworldly warmth.

a lullaby )

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Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

There down the hallway was the sound of a rolling court and a cheerful humming attached the the sound. Footsteps could barely be heard as a girl with curly green hair appeared. She wasn't a lodger but a mere guest with no where else to go, no place to call home. She was heading to the kitchen to have some food packed to last a few days when she thinks she got lost in till she sees Richard. Oblivious to to his obvious pain she stopped her cart and calmly approached. "Excuse me sir, sorry to disturb you but can you help me find the kitchen. I'm a guest and i best figured i'd be leaving. If you wish me to leave i can it doesn't matter" Lizzy said. Her cart now visible in the pale light seemed to have a old trunk that seemed to have cloth sleeves sticking out, a mat for sleeping in front of it, some old shoes, a long coat that seemed to filled with pocket watches on the inside, a old top hat with a large fabric flower, a lantern with little oil, a box with two bottles of oil, a very thin tattered quilt folded neatly and lastly a rolled up painting in a case.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

At the sound of the approach, Richard lifted his head wearily, eyes dark underneath from the lack of sleep. He blinked once before he visibly smoothed his features, and offered up a soft smile, trying to ignore the way the gesture pulled at scar tissue. His eyes quickly cataloged the items on the cart, and while he was curious, he didn't show it, for the sake of being polite. "N-not to worry, I w-was just thinking." He rose gracefully but winced when his knees (technically, knee) popped. Taking a moment to stretch, he gestured for her to follow him. "T-the kitchen i-is p-perhaps the only r-room I can c-consistently f-find w-without getting l-lost." He chuckled softly, and began to walk, expecting her to follow.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Great! Thank you!" Lizzy chirped getting behind her cart and pushing it behind him. The girl looked filthy her hair was a poofy curly mess, and her clothes were old and tattered.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

"B-but of c-course." His limbs and head felt disconnected from the rest of him. It was hardly a new sensation, but nonetheless walking was strange and took a bit more effort than he was used to, even with the weight of a metallic leg. Regardless, after a few minutes walking through twisting corridors, he found the familiar doorway of the kitchen and stepped through. He might as well make some tea while he was here.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

Lizzy had grown used to her robotic leg her self the magic it was enchanted with was fading. She could tell but she had a smile. "Um i see that both you and me have the same problem" She said, since she wore long enough pants to cover it, it wasn't really visible to most.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

Richard blinked in surprise, then smiled and chuckled, showing his replacement arms as well. "It w-would appear t-that it i-is a m-more common 'p-problem' here t-than w-where I.. received t-them. The t-thought is.. c-comforting, I t-think t-the word is." He set the kettle to boil and leaned against the counter, grateful for the support.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

Lizzy rolled up her pant leg to show the lower half of her leg was a robotic one. "I'm half tempted just to get this pant leg off so i can do maintenance better." Lizzy said sighing and smiling she then grabbed a small loaf of bread, slice of cheese, dried fruit, and a few carrots. "I'm not from London, it's not common where i'm from. I was originally born in Romania but i was dumped here by my family."

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

Richard nodded. "By all m-means, go ahead. I am perhaps t-the l-last person w-who would j-judge you f-for it." He paused to pour now-boiling water into a teacup and set the leaves to steep, each step now a familiar part of a soothing ritual, accompanied by the slightest sense of déja vú. "I a-am from Lithuania and Italy myself, n-neither of which w-were very f-fond of t-them." He didn't care to elaborate beyond that.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Yeah i know the feeling" Lizzy said tearing it off and putting the food in a satchel in her cart.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He smirked slightly. "I s-still b-believe their r-response w-was... shall w-we say, b-baseless." He picked up the teacup and blew away the steam, sipping gingerly. He scrunched his nose in irritation when the brew proved to be just a touch too hot still, and waited patiently.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"My response from others was disappointment. Something else to worry about for me for my parents" Lizzy said.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

Richard hummed agreeably, still nursing the burning feeling of his tongue. "I never understood. T-they are l-limbs r-regardless, w-what does it matter w-what t-they are m-made of?"

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Neither did i, but i understood why cause i was different from them" Lizzy said.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

Richard nodded, hearing the echos of the past in the girl's voice. Something similar to a conversation with his father, some years ago. Words were not coming as easily as his head pounded rather incessantly. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose wearily.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Anywho! Enough about the past." Lizzy said.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He chuckled. "Agreed. W-where are y-you p-planning on wandering w-when you leave?"

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Wandering?" Lizzy asked.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

"T-travelling, s-staying, v-visiting. Many h-have words f-for the places they go. I w-wander." He shrugged, as if that were simply the fact of the world and no strange thing.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"I'll be surviving" Lizzy said.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He nodded. "Always a w-worthy p-pursuit. I-if you care f-for an i-interesting place to s-survive, France is easy e-enough to h-hide in, I've f-found."

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"I have no way to get to france" Lizzy said. "I was dumped here with nothing but my clothes"

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

"I-if y-you would like, I could p-provide the c-coin for t-travel t-to mainland Europe. A-anything beyond that, I h-have w-walked to b-before. I b-believe y-you will be f-fine from there."

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"I'm good in england" Lizzy said. "thank you for the offer"

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He nodded behind another gulp of tea, letting the warmth chase the chill from his bones.

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

Lizzy smiled at him grinning.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He offered a soft smile in return, before tilting his head towards the still slightly-steaming kettle. "W-would you l-like some t-tea b-before you s-set off?"

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"No i'm good." Lizzy said.

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Tairais  Miss-Dreamerkat • 3 years ago

He shrugged. "V-very well. I-if y-you will excuse m-me, I s-should r-retire for t-the n-night."

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Miss-Dreamerkat  Tairais • 3 years ago

"Farewell" Lizzy said going to her cart.

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chatterghosts • 3 years ago

Further down in the hallway were soft, gentle footsteps that padded across the marble floor with an odd grace made a slow but eventual stop upon the doorway to the room where Richard sat staring upon London now. The day had been filled with questions and only half of the answers were provided, and Artemis was asleep.

Elias froze in the frame of the door, but relaxed when he recognized the man. His eyes seemed to soften as he looked upon him, his arms crossing. Richard was so much more than a mystery, and he longed to know why he always seemed so... pained. But these thoughts did not last, and nor did he; as soon as he had found himself staring, pulling apart what he knew of Richard like one would dissect an animal, he felt shame rise within his chest, and he abandoned the doorway as soon as he had arrived.

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Tairais  chatterghosts • 3 years ago

Lost in thought as he was, Richard noticed Elias' presence but wasn't aware of it until he decided to leave. Distantly, the thought made the corner of his lip twitch in a half-smile.

He hoped the two brothers were getting along. That thought turned into memories of his own, of a brother constantly barging into his study to drag him on some sort of adventure. In later years, such surprises had lost their charm with the increase in pressure on both their shoulders, the need for personal space never fully soothed. He supposed the novelty of being left alone would never quite lose its bittersweet charm.

He hadnt realized he was staring at the doorway until he looked back at the scenery of London.

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Mz.Hyde Mod • 3 years ago

Beautiful isn't it?

* Mz. Hyde had appeared near him in the corridor, watching the rain fall outside.*

I love it when it's like this. The colors blend together in the rain. It's almost like a watercolor painting.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard tensed slightly, as often happened when he was startled, then forced himself to relax. He glanced at Mz Hyde and nodded before returning his gaze to the scene outside. "Indeed. I a-am m-most fond of p-painting on n-nights like t-these. T-the orange g-glow of the s-street lamps g-gives e-everything a... s-surreal feeling t-to it. D-dreamlike, even."

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

* She nods her head.*

Nights like these are my favorite.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He hummed his agreement. "T-they are g-good for a g-great n-number of t-things, and c-calming on the m-mind."

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

A night like this by a warm fire and the one you love.... yeahhhh....those are the best.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard chuckled in a somewhat bittersweet manner. "T-the fire, I c-can do. Nonetheless, y-you are r-right in y-your sentiment."

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

Do you love anyone?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard paused, slightly taken aback by the rather personal question. "I-I... do. I l-love the f-few friends I h-have, b-but l-love in the.. r-romantic s-sense d-does not come easily to me. T-there is t-the potential, c-certainly, t t-to love someone, h-however.."

His gaze turned distant as several memories clambered for his attention, none of which were pleasant. "T-to love someone is t-to give them t-the power t-to k-kill you. T-to allow y-your whole s-self to be seen. I-it is a t-terrifying thought." He shrugged, tension in his shoulders and a faint undercurrent of grief and fear in his eyes.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

I understand...but is it better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all, as the saying goes?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He shrugged. "D-debatable. I c-could h-have d-done with never l-loving t-the ones w-who l-left m-me l-like.. like this." His voice trailed off and grew quiet, fear tearing at his throat again as his mind so helpfully replayed some of the worst moments of his life. He hid his face behind his eyes, and as he did so, began muttering, unknowingly slipping into his native tongue as he thought.

"Galbūt tai būtų buvę lengviau, jei aš jo nekentė. Nemanau, nekenčiu jų dabar žinoma. Aš jus atleido. Mes grojame tai, ką kortos buvo nagrinėjami. Bet ar tai svarbu? Ar tai svarbu ką mes darome, jei kas nors turėjo tūzą savo rankovė?" Ar tai svarbu jums, Jack? Elise? Benediktas? Tėvas?"

Richard realized what he had done after a few moments and chuckled. "M-my apologies, I was.. t-thinking aloud. I s-suppose every situation is d-different."

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

Yeah...sorry if I brought up anything unpleasant.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He shook his head reassuringly. "Y-you are q-quite all right, I a-am simply... bitter, may b-be t-the word for it." He slumped back against the wall, closing his eyes once more as he listened to the faint sounds of London at night.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

I think it's bittersweet that's the word you're looking for.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He nodded. "It s-seems appropriate, y-yes..." His voice trailer off, clearly at loss for words.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

Was she beautiful?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

His eyes snapped open, caught off guard. "E-er, w-who, e-exactly?"

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

Elise.

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He chuckled bitterly. "B-beautifully c-cruel, p-perhaps." He was more fond of Jack, at any rate.

Not that he'd mention that. He himself still wasn't sure where his feelings had lain on that subject.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

And Jack?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

He snorted. "J-jack was Jack. E-everyone t-though he w-was attractive." If he was purposefully vague, then so be it.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

Attractive? How so?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard's cheeks burned slightly, and he coughed into his arm to try and cover it, smoothing his features into a contemplative sort of expression. He really had fallen out of practice with his masks- a note for later.

"A-ah, hm. C-chiseled jaw, r-raven-black h-hair, a-artistically e-expressive eyes, and a g-grin that could c-charm just about anyone. E-easy t-to like, e-easy to be... wooed b-by, harder to k-know and a-all the m-more interesting for it." He shrugged casually, doing his best to hide the single spark of tension in his one expressive eye. "I w-was glad t-to know him a-as well as I did. He was a g-good friend."

Good friend, and still he had wanted more. The man himself flirted with everything under the sun, but it had seemed.. fitting, to be his friend more than anything else at the time. Not that there was ever the chance for something else. Elise saw to that.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

But he liked someone else huh?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard sighed and shrugged. Surely there was no harm in admitting this, yes? "I b-believe it is m-more a case of I w-was not sure where m-my feelings lay, n-nor entirely c-certain if w-what I was f-feeling w-was real, c-combined w-with t-the g-general f-frowned u-upon nature of t-those things w-where we were at the t-time.. Et c-cetera. I h-had my c-chance with h-him, and it w-was f-four years in t-the making b-before I felt anything o-other t-than a c-close friendship. The c-concept of 'l-love' is a f-funny thing to me. I seldom r-realize I am w-what most consider 'in l-love' until the other p-party is d-dying in m-my.. a-arms.."

He was going to get lost in more memories if he didn't stop. He didn't particularly want to stop either. If he didn't, he could pretend everything was still relatively fine with the ones he left behind.

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Mz.Hyde Mod  Tairais • 3 years ago

What happened?

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Tairais  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago

Richard stiffened, and his eyes glazed over as he was found himself in several places not the present. His hands twitched violently, and he clutched at the hem of Jack's coat in an attempt to ground himself. While he felt the fabric gripped in his hands, he had no other sensory input from the world around him. His memory was 'kind' enough to provide the details.

He wrapped Jack's coat tighter around him, ducking into an alleyway while Elise laughed against the sickening thuds of metal and wood on flesh. He would not shed tears for whoever had fallen to save the rest of them. He didn't have the energy, time, or safety to spare. They were closing in on him and he had to keep moving. He had to. What would all their sacrifices be for if he failed?

With a sickening lurch, he found himself in another memory.

He was screaming. He couldn't hear himself, but he was screaming. Everything burned and his vision swam. Something was wrong and he couldn't tell what. There were many things wrong, but he couldn't remember why.

He shuddered. What had come before that? What had happened, indeed?

All was quiet on New Year's Day. The world around them was white with snow, and the festivities were already underway. The sound of a merry fiddle came from hands less experienced than his own, but he could hardly find it in himself to complain through the warmth of drink. He leaned against Jack and laughed at some joke the other man said for what was likely the thirtieth time that night, just to hear his voice in return.

He was only missing the one hand. They were both much younger, and much less scarred. They were both alive.

The door slammed open, almost missed against the hubbub of the tavern until someone produced a pistol and fired it into the air. Several people screamed and fell silent. He was still giggling- why was he still giggling? Jack turned pale and tried to shove him out the door but Richard noticed a split second too late, and the curtain fell. Elise's smile was as breathtaking as ever, except this time it was from fear. They both bolted out the back door.

They were foolish to think she had stopped looking for them. In this instance, Hell truly had no fury like a woman scorned.

He was shuddering now. Images flashed by quicker, slipping through his fingers as he stilled completely, not daring to draw breath.

Jack, shouting something in a language he still barely knew. In a moment of deja vu, he gave Richard his jacket. Richard hid it in an alley before they ran their separate ways.

A shot, a thud, and a view from the roof of a building some distance away. The scream perpetually perched beneath his chin bubbled out then, the sound of a wounded animal.

Running down the alleyways of what was almost home, panting heavily and slipping on ice just as the report of a gunshot reached his ears- and his torso. And leg. And back.

A smiling face against a backdrop of navy blue and maroon.

Knowing that was the end of a chapter in your life, one way or another.

Pain. White-hot pain, and so many smiling knives and their hatefully grinning teeth digging into him.

Fading and waking up on the side of the road, somehow alive. Falling when he tried to stand. A figure, approaching him with a familiar coat. A tearful farewell in so many different languages that would never be understood, and a gesture universal to all. He still wasn't sure if he had dreamed that, but the evidence strongly suggested he had.

Alone. The terrible feeling of being alone.

The entire internal exchange took less than a minute, in which Richard found himself smiling and shaking his head, not trusting himself to speak.

He couldn't.

see more

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard jumped in suprise: he had almost dozed off. He nodded somewhat tersely as an instinctive reaction, not recognizing the person on the floor next to him. "F-fine! Er, I am w-well, merely t-tired. E-er, do I k-know y-you?"

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

He frowned. "It is q-quite, though I-I... do n-not. R-remember you, t-that is. My apologies, m-my memory.Is as p-patchwork as the rest of me." He shrugged, waving a hand in a sort of sweeping motion towards his scarred face and metal limbs. He couldn't summon the energy to be bothered by his vulnerability.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

"I.. er. I am well, y-yes." Richard was confused and frankly, a little unsettled. He did his best to hide it. "W-what is d-destroyed, e-exactly?"

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

He smiled bitterly, more of a baring of teeth than anything, truth be told. "T-too m-many t-things."

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

He shrugged. "T-thoughts a-are p-pack hunters. Y-you l-let o-one catch you, t-they all t-tear into y-you."

Richard found himself staring at his hands as he spoke. Even before they were beings of metal and wires, they had been covered in the scars of bitter words. "T-they always d-do. I t-try to ignore t-them."

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard tilted his head in a contemplative manner. "P-perhaps n-not corrupt. T-they hurt, but what w-would humanity b-be without t-them?" He chuckled inwardly. This was not a conversation he had expected to have.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard tense slightly. Had Mattias seen something? Forts were forts, but the mortar between bricks was always crumbling. Faking levity, he tilted his head in confusion. "M-maybe w-what?"

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

He chuckled. "S-something is a-always about to h-happen." He felt a quiet sense of purpose and the clarity of determination steel his features, an icy glint catching in the depths of his eyes. In the flickering, dying light of day, he fancied he almost looked otherworldly; It was rare he let that particular expression out of his carefully cultivated garden of masks.

"It is up to us to break or bend in the wind, to change in the wind or be dispersed like so many ashes."

There was a flicker of antlers at the corners of his vision, and he stilled. Not today, never in the daylight. He had to shrug it off.

Once again, the mask of the kindly doctor went on, the gleam in his eyes softening towards the warmth of the summer. "I h-have f-faith you will s-survive w-whatever the world b-brings. Lesser m-men have s-stood and risen from g-great tragedies."

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard's eyes glittered with amusement and something unnamed in the depths. He had weathered worse storms than this man's temper. He made a show of spreading his arms as he shrugged, the sleeves of his jacket falling to metal elbows. "Y-you speak to o-one who has been a-anything but helped b-by an unforgiving w-world, w-who has k-killed and s-saved and n-nearly been k-killed. A bed of r-roses has t-thorns underneath, and s-still, y-you may crawl through it to see the beauty above, or c-crawl ever s-slowly forward to f-freedom. There is always an e-end. W-we should have f-faith and h-hope so w-we may find t-the one we m-most prefer."

He exhaled softly through his nose. This conversation was made of circuitous metaphors, and it made his head ring. It was not too dissimilar to one of his brother's formal gatherings, though they were moreso practice in how insult someone without them noticing until it was in hindsight than in.. whatever this was.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

"I, m-my friend, did nothing but meet y-you, and t-that is h-how I c-chose to h-have hope f-for you. Y-you are under n-no o-obligation t-to see h-hope yourself, but I w-would k-kindly ask y-you refrain f-from s-speaking o-of my p-past as if y-you k-know it better t-than I."

'Really, now,' Richard mused, 'This is uncalled for. I was merely sitting here and reminiscing.' He sat calmly and felt no fear. If things became violent, he was fairly confident in his ability to fight or flee as the situation called for. Truth be told though, he'd prefer to avoid any more blood on his hands. There was more than enough.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard blinked somewhat owlishly at Matthias' mercurial moods. ((The alliteration, though.)) He shrugged somewhat apologetically, a curious glint in his eyes. "M-my apologies, b-but I am n-not overly fond of drink. I w-was thinking of s-staying here for a l-little longer, if y-you care for to stay a-and watch the rain f-for a while."

Somewhere, distantly in his mind, Richard thought of the sole picture of both his families together, burning a hole somewhere in the recesses of his trunk. He could take a page out of Matthias' book, and in fact, it would probably help, but there was a quiet voice holding him back. It sounded much too like his brother, truth be told.

Ah well. Some memories were made to stay. He figured he probably had a House of Memories by this point.

((Lets play spot the silly reference.))

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard chuckled. "I f-find it r-rather soothing, actually. Y-you may go do as y-you please, b-but I will s-stay here."

He was really getting quite tired. Just a few more hours. Just until the sun rose again. He'd sleep then.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

((Richard's not going to bed any time soon, he's just thinking quietly. Well, not so much quietly, but the point still stands.))

He nodded. "I h-hope you do n-not mind terribly if I d-do not s-speak much. I h-have been... r-rather lost in t-thought as of l-late, and I cannot s-see that h-happening any t-time soon."

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

Richard smiled softly. There were fewer things he enjoyed than someone to share silence with, regardless of how wildly their moods might change. He leaned back against the wall of the window-seat, closing his eyes. He fancied he could hear the tap of his mothers fingers on the old grand piano if he listened hard enough. It was peaceful.

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

((I do too! I've played for something like 11 years now, it's a great stress reliever for me.))

Richard noticed Mattias' tension and resisted the urge to frown. Biting back a soft sight, he began to hum the lullaby he heard his mother playing in his mind's eye, singing along in his head. He didn't want to, or couldn't, really, speak.

(( And now, for your semi-regular interactive post. The link to the lullaby:

https://youtu.be/8k0Lmaldkyo

))

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Tairais  Guest • 3 years ago

(( I love playing both of those dearly! There's a song called 'Evelyn Evelyn' I'm fond of playing as well. ))

Richard tilted his head in and frowned, barely a crease in the forehead, but still a frown. "I-I.. do not b-believe I h-have had the occasion t-to use one. W-why d-do you ask?"

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Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago • edited

(This was lovely! After reading your story and the RPs below I have to say this was amazing! I can hear the rain against the windows [even though the sun is shining and there's not a cloud in the sky outside] I also love the relationship between Madame and Richard with how they communicate through music. Beautiful.

Overall I'm really liking this RP...it's melancholy tone is leaving me with a sense of calm. Thank you.)

* As the sky darkened the lights grew ever brighter, dancing it the rain, creating a swirl of memories that shone through the glass. A small girl with book clutched in hand, sneaks her way through the halls, ashamed to look at anyone. She slows to a stop, when passing by Richard. She looks in at him, tears threatening to fall like the rain out side. *

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

(( adkHFBsnkdlsd Thanks! I love the different responses each character has, it's great fun. I'm glad my minds paintings are easily shared with you ^^ I love the rain. And yeah, the whole music pals thing es fantastico :D ))

Richard almost didn't hear the soft footsteps over the patter of rain against glass. He stiffened slightly and glanced up, only to be surprised by someone who looked as sorrowful as he felt on the worst of nights (This particular vigil was more softly painful acceptance than anything).

"A-are y-you quite all r-right, amico?"

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago • edited

( XD I have to say the music pals thing is wonderful! Never before have I seen this happen in a story but I love the communication through the music! :D )

* She sighed and leaned against the door frame, Never looking at Richard only staring at the swirling colors that painted the window.* ...Are any of us?

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

He smiled wryly. "T-true enough." He turned his gaze back to the window, eyes drifting ever so slowly to being closed. He noticed right before his eyes closed, and shook his head to stay awake. "W-well, f-for the most p-part."

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

* A small smile tugged at her lips and the girl wiped her eyes and sniffed.* ...That look in your eyes...are you remembering or forgetting?

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

He shrugged and grinned wryly. "W-why not b-both? T-they come hand in h-hand, do they n-not?"

((Sorry for the late response, I found myself in bed with a chest cold yesterday.))

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

* She sighed.* ...They do but not when dealing with the same memory.

(That's ok! Life's been crazy on my end so don't worry about it.)

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

"P-perhaps I am remembering n-now, in order t-to f-forget l-later. It is p-possible, yes?" His smile softened at this; he didn't mean to tease the girl.

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

* She looked back out the window.* That is a possibility, though...why one would want to I'm not entirely sure. Remembering is a chore and forgetting is a luxury that many cannot afford. If there is something that you want to both forget and remember then I suggest you keep that thought close to your chest but just out reach from your hands.

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

"It is d-difficult to d-do that w-when everything is as.. i-intertwined as it is. F-for me, at least. I h-have to p-put my t-thoughts under l-lock and k-key, and then w-wonder w-what I a-am forgetting."

Gods, he was talking an awful lot? And yet, he could hardly summon the energy to be nervous or control his blabbering tongue. If he was somehow harmed by this exchange of ideas and information, he would find fault with it later.

That was really only partly true, he just didn't want to think otherwise at the moment.

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

* A small smile flickered across her lips for a moment.* Our minds plague us but yet they carry us forward through this maze of life. Besides that may be for the best as thoughts and memories contain knowledge. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing but how much knowledge does a person need before they are safe? *She shakes her head and snorts at the question.* ...They'll never be safe again. Ignorance is truly bliss.

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

Richard laughed, a small, broken thing entirely too close to hysterics. He buried his face in his hands, grinning and sighing all at once. "C-certamente, y-yes. T-to n-not know what I know, to n-not remember w-what I do.. I w-would not be who I a-am without it, b-but I d-do miss being i-ignorant at t-times."

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

...I think we all do. That child-like state of feeling free without knowing the prisons we live in, we all crave it at some point. *She slid down the wall and sat legs stretched out on the floor* ...Those memories, those stories that haunt us, we desire to be rid of them but we know that without them we are nothing. Only in our dreams can we not see those walls of confinement, but even a dream will turn to a nightmare as reality sets in reminding us of who, what we are. We can hide from the world easily, but hiding from ourselves is near impossible.

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Tairais  Hyde without a Jekyll • 3 years ago

The laughter subsides to a chuckle as his erratic heartbeat slows by increments. "N-nightmares, d-dreams, r-reality. They are t-the same f-for me. T-they b-bleed like t-they are watercolors and I am a b-battered canvas in an empty r-room, facing a m-mirror. I k-know who I am." His voice dropped to a whisper, as if he were confessing some terrible truth.

In fairness, it almost was. "I k-know and s-see who I am, and it m-makes little d-difference b-because I am here w-while they are not. T-they still search f-for me, t-too f-finish the w-work w-." He cuts himself off at this point, closing his jaws with an audible 'clack.' Too much, he said too much. He was going to pay for it. He stiffened, drawing his gangly limbs to his chest like a bird might.

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Hyde without a Jekyll  Tairais • 3 years ago

* She doesn't look at him for she knows his face quite well as having worn it herself. She lets the silence grow stretching out in the night.* ...At least you can look at yourself. *She stood up and turned to leave.*

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Catt Hatter • 3 years ago • edited

* Catt wandered aimlessly through the winding corridors, listening to the rain and thinking. She had been certain what she had done was the right decision, despite all the painful consequences changing things had caused. Why then, did she feel so awful? So guilty? All she had wanted was to save her friend's life, had that been wrong? Was it not her choice to make?

While passing a window, she thought to take a glance out at the rain-soaked streets. However, she hadn't expected to see someone else already there with the same notion. Richard. Her eyes wandered listlessly over his scarred face, and metallic hands. A tiny, sparkling idea fought it's way to the surface of her lingering melancholy without invitation.

She opened her mouth to give the hopeful spark a voice, but changed her mind before the idea could even see light. Despite her best intentions, all her attempts to help kept ending in messy and painful ways. Her shoulders and head drooped as she slipped back beneath the waves of morose thoughts that had held her captive ever since that night. She turned to continue her wanderings in the quiet halls.*

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago • edited

(( Nooo Catt bby it's all right, short of outright killing Richard ya can't do anything to screw him up. Rip everyone belonging to the 'I want to help people but have a history of f'ing it up' club. ))

Another flicker of movement caught his eye, and this time Richard wasn't entirely certain that it wasn't a dream. The stag's breath billowed on his shoulders like a sickly caress. Rain from a forest long forgotten was the play of a ghostly finger down his spine.

He had shuddered heavily, then. Firelight danced in his eye, the cloying taste of blood and fear curled acrid and copper-like in his nose. He had tasted both that and the smoke writhing around him as he stared in horror, seeing something that wasn't real and at the same time was entirely real: a representation of himself.

He had been- was real, yes?

The stag, clad in feathers and crowned with antlers of crimson-stained bone, then bellowed like the roar of a passing steam train, and still, he had not been afraid: He had looked upon it in awe as pandemonium vibrated in his chest. The stag gave him a final gaze, eyes flashing black and alien in the light, then bounded into the flames. There had been a final terrible bugle, then utter silence, save for the hunger of the flames around him.

He had looked down at his hands- his blood-soaked, trembling hands- and found himself unafraid. He didn't feel sickened at the tragedy he had staged, oh no. There had never been room for that in an artist to rival Shakespeare himself. They had both called themselves that once, even if Shakespeare worked with words instead of their particular media.

That was (is?) his design, and it had horrified him that he wasn't horrified. He had fallen to his knees as carrion-birds swarmed him from all sides, cawing raucously. They had torn great, gasping wounds in him, and it had felt like he was trying to claw out of his own skin (he had though, hadn't he?). Smoke had curled around him as he ran, laughing with the bellow of the stag perched under his chin and, and-

And.

He gasped and spluttered past the burning in his lungs: he hadn't been breathing. He furiously took that memory and locked it in a hidden safe, somewhere in the twisting halls of his mind. It was, by no means, hidden entirely: Tendrils of black smoke clung to his hands even as he confirmed that yes, they were still metal, and he was no longer completely gone. Was the smoke rooted in reality? It wouldn't have been the first time, and yet..

He closed his eyes and rested a cheek against the cool glass.

Just a few more hours.

((Edit: That did not go in the direction I expected BUT! We get a glimpse into part of Richard's past! I say part. He's got a complicated timeline that 13 pages of rambling cannot entirely solve. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(I didn't know there was a club for that, those poor people. RIP. :( Incidentally, did you want to know the idea Catt had?)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( There is now, and yes please! ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(She was thinking about how Sozo's bite was able to not only bring her back from the dead when Hela shot her, but also how it re-grew her missing organs from the night with NA. And all of it without scars. She was wondering if he'd want to have his old limbs back.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Hoo. That's a loaded question. Honestly I think Richard would probably minorly freak out. On the one hand, he'd give anything not to be ridiculed and gawked at wherever he went. On the other hand, the scars and missing limbs are what give him his sense of identity. They remind him of his past, and remembering and striving to repent for this is what's shaped him as a person for the last.. well. I can't really say how long because *time frame spoilers* but a fair bit. Relatively. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago • edited

(Probably a good thing Catt didn't ask about it tonight then. Well, if you ever decide to take advantage of the idea, just let me know! As long as Sozo is alive, it's an option. Would you want it to be mentioned at all?)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( If you like suffering, specifically making Richard suffer, by all means! Otherwise I'm not particular about it. I'll let you know if I ever decide though! ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(The poor scar-muffin doesn't need any more suffering! T^T Okay!)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( >:D All the suffering. Just on the inside tho. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(T^T Poor pain muffin.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( You really like muffins, huh? ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Depends on the type. I just think this guy is cute/sweet/pitiable, like a muffin who wishes it were a cupcake.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( ... You know I'm not even going to say why that's ironic as all heck. Just this vague notion that something isn't as it seems. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more cackling to do ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(I'm sure he's done some terrible things, but I still like the scar muffin! I tend to end up liking some of the oddest characters from any story. Sometimes I worry about that. :T Like Gamzee.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( D'aw the scar muffin is loved. Good. He's gonna need that love by the time I'm done with him. And I'm flattered you like him so much! I hope this means I did good writing him. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Oh dear, should I invest in another box of tissues in case of tears? You have been doing a great job writing him so far! I hope if you conclude his arch that you'll still be sticking around the forum!)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Oh he's gonna stick around for a while. This is just a very large bump in the road for him. If the end is near.. well.

You'll know. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(...Yay? Oh boy.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( *Cackle* ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(*whimpers and snuggles my skull*)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Oh there, there. It won't be so bad. Probably. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(*curls up in a blanket* Make it as intense and emotional as you can, that's what stories are for!)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Challenge accepted. You have been warned. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(*gets a cup of hot tea* I'm ready! Or as ready as I'll ever be... *whimper*)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Good. I'm going to make some tea too :P To sip while hiding an evil smile. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Such deviousness requires only the best tea. :3 *sips cup of orange pecot*)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( *Sips Bengal Spice tea.* We were out of Earl Gray upstairs and I'm just a wee bit grumpy about that. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Also I want to add "Scar-muffin" to Richard's nick-name section on the wikia. :3 But I won't if you don't want that.)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Do it. Please. ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Woo!)

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Done! :D )

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Amazing! ))

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Catt Hatter  Tairais • 3 years ago

(Yay for nick-names!)

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Tairais  Catt Hatter • 3 years ago

(( Woo! ))

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